Perhaps it is the suddenness of awakening

  from the sleep of awakening

 …!! No…

It is the absorption in the depth of absorption

…! No …

It is rather a dream
That I slipped to from the corridors of a dream…..
No.. no… They are the splinters of the chaff
in the collision of mirrors in which

  the hinges of the truth have been broken

I feel I am losing something bigger than I
Not the grandfather, not the father
Something alive that left me without dying.

Not my eyes……

Not my hand…….
Not the soul …..

And not the self…….
Something that left a frozen spot in my memory.
Have I lost the “great secret” in my being?
I fear I am slipping from myself…. Away from it
The greatest fear I have is to fear
Now I am hallucinating…

I am losing something….
Something….important that I do not recall.
I surprised myself how I pass by the idol,

And ..smash it not.
I ask myself
How could I love Allah with such a heart?
And how with the same heart.
I could reciprocate love with one who disbelieved in Him.
I ask myself: – how did a distance of a span of a hand tire me out,
Between the pavement of the heart and the root of my tongue?
I feel that I am following a caravan other than mine
that I am walking across an era that is not mine.
Not my time …….

This right mare is not my era
Confused dreams… injustice in tyranny, in pitch darkness.
I ask myself:- Why do I ask it?
Indeed I am losing something bigger than I
Not a woman… not the sip or the morsel
I feel that I am… a flag post that lost its banner
And its cause…..
I feel that I am losing something ….
Losing something….
Losing something….